WHERE AIR POLLUTANTS
COME FROM, ACCORDING
TO INDUSTRY:

Sulfur dioxide

From too many people
with too many tummy
troubles eating too
many eggs

Lead

From overly burdensome
taxes on the rich, which
have lessened their ability
to buy fine lead crystal,
the preferred method
of lead sequestration

Methane

From the butts of
left-wing cows chewing
commie alfalfa they got
from a pinko farm co-op

Mercury

From a series of secret space
probes that were sent to planet
Mercury by the Johnson, Carter,
and Clinton administrations that
have kicked up clouds of “mercury
dust,” which have now drifted back
to earth

Carbon Dioxide

From living, green plants, of
course, which exhale CO2.
(Anybody who couldn’t come up
with that one obviously hasn’t
spent enough time learning
how to misrepresent scientific
fact!)